Just as you’d think, it’s love—particular, self love—that makes the world go around.
Henry Louis Gates, Jr.
Hi loves,
Today is going to be the start of a vulnerable journey: the road to self love. I feel like this is a topic most of us struggle with. Our self-worth, self-confidence, and self love. However, it is the most important thing we can do for ourselves. To accept and be happy with the person we are, inside and out. I know I have been struggling with this for years and years, since I was seven. Now I sincerely hope your self-esteem has not been suffering this long, but if it has, I know how you feel.
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Self love is a process
I also know that there are plenty of books, articles and videos out there on how to love yourself.
But what I was always missing from those, is the struggle. The explanation. It seems like they just say; one day I made a decision to love myself and that was that.
And honestly it is, and it isn’t.
While you have to decide to be willing to love yourself instead of inherently saying you love your body and yourself, it is a process you have to go through and work at.
And as with all things worthwhile, there is no shortcut.
So today I am going to take you on my journey towards loving myself.
Related post; How to use your love language for self love
My realization started last year when I read Nancy Levin’s book Worthy. Worthy is such an amazing book which dives into the connection of our net-worth and self-worth.
Basically she explains that if we have higher self-esteem, we are better able to handle our finances and allow more money into our lives. The book contains several exercises to discover limiting beliefs and money stories, which can be a bit confrontational.
Combine that with the fact that I was studying for my own life-coaching degree, and therefore doing lots of inner work, and the day ended with me calling my mom crying that I had no self-esteem and felt I wasn’t good enough.
The main problem I was facing, was that I had no idea where to start. After all, the books I had read seemed to skip over it. It seemed too easy, and I didn’t believe it.
It’s not just a matter of deciding to love yourself. It is being there for yourself every day. Prioritizing yourself, and doing some things you won’t want to do. It takes time and effort. But one thing they said was true; it starts with a decision.
Related post; How to use your love language for self love
How to start with self love
You have to decide to love yourself. Decide that you are worth the effort. You deserve to have the life you want and you deserve to feel confident. To feel rich and powerful and worthy. It all starts with you. You cannot wait for someone else to decide you are amazing. Loving ourselves is so important for our own lives, but also for the lives of those around us.
You have to be willing to love yourself.
I think Louise Hay explained the importance of this beautifully:
When we as women learn to take care of ourselves in a positive way, to have self-respect and self-worth, life for all human beings including men, will have taken a quantum jump in the right direction
Louise Hay – Empowering Women
When we fill ourselves with love, we can share this love with other people and spread it around like nutella. Everyone loves nutella, and everyone loves love.
Related post; How to use your love language for self love
Self love: a definition
So in order to start this journey off right, let’s take a look at what exactly we define as self love. The dictionary says the following:
Essentially, it comes down to two things. An appreciation for your worth, and attention to your happiness and well-being. If only it were as easy as it sounds.
But don’t be intimidated. We are together on this journey, and everything I learn, I share.
Related post; How to use your love language for self love
I couldn’t find it while writing this blog, but I remember something I used to see when I was younger. It went something like this; If we woke up loving ourselves, whole industries would collapse.
And that is the truth.
So many industries depend on you not liking yourself, it is a rebellious act to do exactly that. I recently read ‘I thought it was just me (but it isn’t) by Brene Brown and she has the following section in her book. I paraphrased and summarized a bit, but it comes down to this:
Only 5% of women can achieve the current media ideal of the female body, and that’s only in terms of weight and size (not in proportion, facial features etc). since 1997, the amount of cosmetic procedures in America have increased by 465%. 90% of these procedures were on females, and were mostly liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgery, tummytuck and facelift. in 2004, Americans spent almost 12.5 BILLION on cosmetic surgery.
Related post; How to use your love language for self love
on top of that, other beauty industries are worth the following at the time of writing the book:
- hair industry: $38 billion
- diet industry: $33 billion
- skincare industry: $24 billion
- makeup industry: $18 billion
- perfume industry: $15 billion
Can you imagine what would happen if we decided we’re beautiful as we are?
I’m not saying you should throw out your makeup and skincare and never go to the hairdresser anymore. My point is how dependent all these industries are on our insecurities, so of course they want to keep them alive by always presenting us with a new beauty ideal.
Quick tips to start with self love
So while I continue my journey and take you along with me, here are some practical tips to get you started on liking yourself more:
- Look in the mirror and focus on what you like about yourself. If you can’t pinpoint something straight away, keep looking until you find something. Focus on positive self talk.
- What can you do for you? Find something that makes you feel like an amazing person. Like a million bucks. I feel really good when I’ve shaved my legs, or when my house is clean. Maybe for you, it is to work out or give yourself some down-time if you’re always on the go.
- Don’t try to make yourself feel better by buying things or eating. While retail therapy and ice cream are really nice, they are temporary and can lead to other problems.
- Write yourself a love letter. This can be really hard, especially if your self-esteem is pretty low, but please try. If you have a hard time writing one to your current self, try writing one to your younger self. What would you tell her? Make sure to fill it with love.
- Have a self-care day with yourself!
- Find someone to work with. If learning to love yourself seems daunting or you’ve tried and you’re struggling, get some help! Learn how a coach can be helpful here.
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Now get your shit together, realize you are worth it, make the decision, and join me on this journey! You can also get my ‘love yourself in 21 days‘ ebook, filled with journal prompts, assessments and a goal plan to start loving yourself more.
You can find my letter to myself here
If you liked reading this post, you might like these other self love articles as well!
Such a beautiful post on such an important topic. So many people have a hard time with self love. Thanks so much for the great tips. 💜🥰
Thank you, I’m so glad they were useful to you!