Be careful what you say about yourself because someone very important is listening. YOU.
John Assaraf
What voice is dominant in your head? Is it the positive self talk one, that tells you you can do anything you want, or is it the negative one that tells you you should workout more, and why do you keep talking, no one is interested in what you have to say anyway?
I know for me, it used to be the latter. And what creative ways she had of tearing me down and making me feel incompetend and self conscious. Truly, I didn’t need anyone else to make me feel bad, I was doing a great job on my own.
Something tells me you have that same voice in your head, and maybe she’s dominant too. If so, you have come to the right place. After reading this post you’ll understand what self talk is, why it is so important to be aware of, and you’ll have some practical things you can do to work on your positive self talk.
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What is self talk
Before we can work on our positive self talk, we have to understand what it is. Self talk is pretty explanatory: it’s the way you talk to yourself!
And I don’t necessarily mean speak out loud, even though I do that all the time so it’s okay if you do too. It’s also the way we silently think about ourselves, and judge ourselves.
Freud came up with the conscious and subconscious thoughts, and how they affect your behaviour. A lot of these thought patterns are rooted in our subconscious mind, but fortunately we can change them.
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Types of self talk
Negative self talk – the most damaging type of self talk is negative. It’s coming from the mean girl living in your head, saying you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy, nobody likes you, they’re laughing at you, why do you always do everything wrong and so on and so forth. Give her as little airtime as possible.
Positive self talk – positive self talk is the nice girl in your head. She’s saying you look good! You’re trying so hard, keep going! You are a wonderful person and you’re great at your job.
Possibility self talk – this is about seeing the possibilities in yourself. Some argue this is better than positive self talk, some argue the opposite. It’s the voice that says ‘I can do this! What if I succeed? This is an option, I’m just not there yet, but I can be.
How does positive self talk work?
Positive self talk works by creating new neural pathways in your brain. The more you think along the positive path, your brain will form new pathways to, in the future, always go down that path first because it’s the more accessible, more often used path.
So the more you catch yourself going down that negative road and diverting your thoughts, the more your brain will automatically go to that positive path and the easier it gets.
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Why is self talk important?
So now that we understand what exactly this positive self talk is, let’s see why we should be doing this.
There is a large amount of research into positive (and negative) self talk and its effects on our brains and our performance.
The fact is that our brains remember all information it has ever processed, including the things you tell yourself. So the more you tell yourself negative things, the more your brain starts to believe that.
On the other hand, that means that the more you use your positive self talk, the more your brain will start processing those positive messages, and its believe that you are amazing will get stronger and stronger.
There are 4 main benefits to positive self talk. It’s proven to reduce stress and anxiety, to improve confidence, to enjoy life more, and even to improve health.
Let’s look into them a bit deeper, shall we?
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1. Reduce stress
Those who tend to think more positively also tend to have better coping mechanisms for ‘bad’ situations.
They are more solution-oriented, and therefore also solve the issue faster than negative thinkers. They see situations differently.
As you can probably also imagine, hearing that voice in your head telling you you’re an idiot every day doesn’t do much good for your mental state and calm. It’s much nicer to hear you are doing great.
2. Improve confidence
As said, negative self talk was a contributing factor to fear of failure and anxiety. Naturally then, positive self talk can help our confidence and self-esteem tremendously.
Positive thinkers are more likely to achieve goals, get good grades and even recover faster from surgery*.
As you start believing you can do the things you want, you’ll get better at achieving them, and figuring out solutions to any problems that may arise, as mentioned above. And achieving your goals will increase your confidence and self-esteem.
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3. A better life
By seeing the world as a positive place, and yourself as a great person, slowly your life will improve.
As you believe you’re a better person you will start subconsciously start behaving better and start taking better care of yourself. As you believe you are worthy and capable you will be more willing to take a risk to get that amazing job or talk to a potential partner.
You will stop holding yourself back.
Teaching yourself a more positive outlook on life will really improve the quality of it.
4. Improved health
People who engage in positive self talk and positive thinking recover faster from surgery and have less stress and anxiety
As if that isn’t enough, a Yale research showed that a positive attitude about aging can help you live longer.
Finally, positive thinking is linked to reduced risk at heart disease due to the lower stress-levels.
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How to improve positive self talk?
Does this mean you need to be 100% positive, 100% of the time?
Fortunately, the answer is no.
It simply means we keep reaching for the next positive thought, and the next better-feeling thought. It means we pay attention to the negative thoughts we have, and we try to shape them into one that feels better and is a bit more positive. It’s about baby steps here, not frog leaps.
Now you’re probably wondering what you can do to use more positive self talk on yourself, and it’s a good thing I have some practical tools for you!
Related post; 5 tips to practice self love
Catch yourself in the act and change your thoughts.
The more you get caught up in your negative thoughts, the more you can notice your patterns. Notice your thoughts in those moments, Whenever you find yourself thinking a unhelpful thought, try to think 3 helpful thoughts immediately after. It’s helpful if you can write these out on paper r on your phone for your most common thoughts, so you always have a response.
Look for things you like.
As you move through your day, focus on positive things. The blue sky, your coffee, the fact that you have a roof and clothes.
Be grateful for your body, as it is.
It works so hard to keep you alive, it deserves a bit of gratitude and acceptance
Approach life as an experiment.
When something doesn’t go as you planned or expected (or ‘bad’ as you could think), simply think; okay so that didn’t work, what can I try next. Edison famously said ‘I haven’t failed, I only found ways that didn’t work’.
Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend, or a child.
If you wouldn’t scold them, don’t scold yourself. If you wouldn’t call them names for spilling milk or forgetting an assignment, don’t call yourself names in your head.
Related post; 5 tips to practice self love
Choose joy as much as you can.
Joy is found in the simple things, but can make a massive impact on your outlook. Joy is found in closing your eyes for 5 seconds while soaking up the sun. it’s in your favorite tea, or that special coffee creamer. It’s in a hug, or a smile.
Work on your mindset.
Here are 5 mindset shifts that have helped me be more positive in my own life, and I can tell you, they changed the game. Sit with your negative thoughts and explore where they come from. When did you first have them? Are they factually true or simply an opinion?
Conclusion
I truly hope that reading this has helped you understand what self talk is, why it is so important to use positive self talk, and you have some practical tools to work on your positive self talk as well. I know it can feel like an uphill climb, and every time you set two steps forward, you take one step back. But life isn’t linear, and it isn’t meant to be. Let every time you ‘mess up’ be an opportunity for learning and growth, and I promise you’ll get there.
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